July 2011
1 post
“there once was a man called evan, who had himself a son named kevin. kevin fell...”
June 2011
1 post
“Fire acts differently in space than on Earth.”
May 2011
3 posts
“Tassels make the loafer less dressy.”
“if youre stuck in déjà vu and need help out, call me.”
“boobs are best left the size they are.”
April 2011
6 posts
“Phil Collins’ Native American Name Is Rolling Space Echo”
“jazz loon will be the death of me.”
“if Kurt Vonnegut and Kurt Cobain had a child i would expect that childs name to...”
“life is a puzzle. if you cant figure it out, youre missing some pieces.”
“i will know how cool i am in about 10 minutes.”
“2011 the new 2012.
Apocalypse now.”
March 2011
12 posts
“zack needs to be reminded
life isnt a seinfeld episode
as much as he wants it...”
“the thing i need most to find what im looking for is the thing im looking for”
“does all poison taste bad?
judging by your facial reaction im guessing no.”
“life is too late
once you have it
oops”
“one thing i think you and i can agree on is that heroin has a certain numbing...”
2 tags
“dear diary,
accidentally hugged david byrne and purposely touched dick tips...”
“does crying during Mean Girls mean im emotionally unstable?”
“its not an art show if the gallery owner isnt pissed.”
“to soothe yourself while getting blood drawn, try singing pink floyds...”
“your butt looks good in that hat.”
1 tag
“did you hear that if you have already had two kids, you can get pregnant just by...”
“darbella was the rare princess actually worth a damn.”
February 2011
9 posts
“even though i know its not healthy, i still hope aliens choose me.”
“if i had a dime for every time someone told me if they had a dime for every...”
“piranhas are an unsafe way to remove unwanted hair from the pubic area -...”
1 tag
“if benjamin franklin truly was a time traveler from the future like greg...”
“puberty really changed me.”
“bathrooms are for overachievers.”
“crayola really has the market colored.”
“she slipped on her head because she forgot that her head was her head. all of...”
“stolen socks,
stolen beer,
retard on retard action here.”
January 2011
12 posts
“sometimes dreams are just so damn unrealistic.”
“when i had my first kid i was like WHAT!?!
so i named him Raymond.”
“-emma, what do churches do?
-they teach you about your imaginary friends....”
“usually the giggle comes on a poke.”
“vice versa is a saying that doesnt care very much for me, and vice versa.”
“Thank You For Your Payment!”
Shut Up, Internet.”
“clapping is the most human way of showing appreciation for the dead.”
“a used condom is never cute.”
“Dad drove us back home slowly cause he wasnt kidding himself about how much our...”
“butts have holes or else youre in biiig trouble.”
“if i tell you ‘its nothing personal’ and it actually is, dont fault...”
“buying a house is easier than building one but what about building a fort?”
December 2010
17 posts
“i sent raymond a cardboard box for christmas but denise refused to photograph...”
“if, when you read my poems, you imagine me as some asshole flying a kite, you...”
“i should try not trying more often.”
“I Am Kenshin;
Part Time Poet,
Perpetual Time Prince.”
“once a goat bit me and the mark it left was in the shape of a bee which was...”
“It was ironic Walker relied on that wheelchair so heavily.”